


Sunrise

by tsheps



Series: If- [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-04 15:17:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3072680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsheps/pseuds/tsheps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commanding the most advanced ship in the galaxy?  Battling impossible odds?  Saving the galaxy almost single handed?  These things were easy for Commander Kennedy Shepard.</p><p>Asking out the hot marine who cleaned rifles in the cargo bay?  Now that was scary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

It wasn't until Feros that Shepard realized how much trouble she was in when it came to Ashley Williams. 

She had, of course, noticed how drop dead gorgeous the marine was the minute she laid eyes on her on Eden Prime.  Then, as they fought their way to the beacon, Shepard was struck by how calm and strong Ashley was, despite being the only survivor of her squad.  She exuded confidence and grace, but it was merely an observation at the time. 

Then there had been the trip to the Citadel, and the meeting with Mr. Bhatia.  Ashley had been rattled by the loss of her friend and squadmate, but she had kept her composure admirably and comforted a grieving man.  That was followed by sprinting all over the city doing favors for a half dozen strangers.  Sure, she sniggered when a fan asked for her autograph, and sure, Shepard found the sound endearing, but the moment passed without a second thought.

They saved Terra Nova from an asteroid.  They surveyed a half dozen planets.  They wasted some pirates and some slavers.

Then they were on Feros, and she and Ashley stood shoulder to shoulder, blasting away at a charging alpha male Varren.  Shepard put a shot right through the massive beast's left eye and it fell hard, its body skidding to a halt right at their feet.  Shepard lowered her pistol and looked from the body to her Gunnery Chief.  Ashley kept her assault rifle raised, but she looked over at Shepard with a lopsided grin, a single bead of sweat running from her hairline down her cheek.  It was the sweat that did her in.  She watched it trace the contours of the woman's face, and she had to physically hold herself back from reaching out and tracing the path with her finger.  Ok, the crooked smile may have had something to do with it too.

The sound of Ashley's voice brought her back to herself, "Damn it's fun to fight with you, Skipper!"

Shepard's smile was weak, but she winked at the other woman before stepping over the body to finish her sweep of the room.  It took her a long time to compose herself and lead them to the next room down the hall.  Her heart was hammering in her throat, and she knew to her core that she was done for. 

 

****** 

 

Commander Kennedy Shepard had dreamt of commanding her own star ship since she was eight years old and her mother and father had bought her a replica of _SSV Gallipoli_ , the frigate they were stationed on.  It had been her parents' first posting together in many years, and they were thrilled to have the family together again.  The captain of the _Gallipoli_ had specifically requested her father to be posted with them as an engineering specialist so that his XO would be better able to focus with her family aboard.  He had been a mentor and a substitute grandfather for her.  He was the first person to call her 'Shepard', and he constantly told her how proud he was of both her mother and father.  She came to admire them as soldiers as well as parents on board the _Gallipoli_ , and she wanted to be like them.  Turned out that she was terrible with drive cores and wiring and mathematics, but she was a natural leader and she was able to inspire the same confidence her mother could.  The ship's school had a figurehead in her, the other students willing to listen to her orders when the teacher lost control of them. 

She excelled in the academy, and she flew through N7 training with the highest marks of any soldier since Captain Anderson.  Her dedication to strategy, her decisiveness, and her ability to master both biotics and weapons made her the foremost Vanguard in the Alliance at a young age.  Her service during the Blitz cemented her reputation and made her a living legend.  All of that, however, left little time for a personal life.  Any relationships she had withered from neglect, and she found that the deep friendships she cultivated with her humor and open mindedness filled the gap well.

She was, however, still human.  She had needs like anyone else, but she was not the type to take advantage of her celebrity status or her natural charm to flit in and out of the beds of the anonymous.  Her desire, too, began to wither with neglect and she ended up not thinking much of what she lacked.  That all changed in the tunnels below Zhu's Hope.

By the time they made it back to the Normandy, Shepard was shaking.  Literally shaking with everything that had happened.  She had run out of gas grenades during the fight to find the Thorian, and had been forced to kill more colonists than she liked.  Then there was the battle to kill the Thorian, and the meld with Shiala.  It had been emotionally and physically draining, but nothing compared to the realization of her feelings for Ashley.  As the fight wore on following the alpha Varren, she found herself noticing Ashley more and more.  Noticing her interactions with Garrus.  Noticing her poise in battle.  How she always followed Shepard’s commands immediately, but also followed her own initiation in battle, never allowing the two to conflict.  She noticed that she was instinctively favoring her right flank, where Ashley was stationed.  She was perhaps being too protective, not giving her space to move or adapt.

When Garrus took a direct hit to the shields from his uncovered flank, Ashley gave Shepard a look that clearly said 'I've got this, get to your post'.  Shepard hurried back to the apex of the attack and had maintained battle formation for the remainder of the fight.  When the area was clear she caught Ashley's eye with an apologetic look, and the marine had smiled good naturedly back.  Garrus's mandibles twitched irritably when Shepard slapped him on the shoulder by way of an apology.  The whole thing was perfectly normal, but it took that for Shepard to realize that she was not just attracted to Ashley.  Feelings were involved, and feelings could be messy.

 

******

 

Shepard made a point of talking to Garrus first thing when the elevator finally arrived in the loading dock.  Her palms were sweaty and she had accidentally set off a minor biotic field when she activated the elevator.  Made that explained why it almost felt like the damn thing wasn't moving at all?  Nothing appeared to be fried, but she should check in with Tali about it.  But first she had to talk to Ashley.  She had to have a normal conversation or she may go insane.  She decided that talking to Garrus first would make it clear that she wasn't only there to talk to Ashley.   

He was talking about a geneticist who had been growing organs for the black market inside his employees.  It was gross and fascinating and she really was listening, but across the way Ashley was breaking down and cleaning weapons.  Shepard noticed with a jolt that it was her own Striker V pistol that Ashley had taken apart and was cleaning.  Garrus seemed to need prodding every few words in order to continue the story, and Shepard kept glancing past him to Ashley, rubbing down her pistol's barrel with an oiled cloth.  Garrus told her about how he had tried to get C-Sec to stop the doctor's ship from taking off.  Ashley had taken out a wire brush and slid it into the barrel of Shepard's pistol, twisting it as she slid it to the end of the barrel and back out.  A piece of hair came loose from Ashley's bun and fell across her cheek as she worked with brush around the pistol barrel.

"I'm sorry, I have to go!" Shepard almost shouted the words. 

Garrus's mandibles clicked with surprise, and he stiffened slightly.  He clearly had not noticed the limited attention he was receiving from Shepard, "Oh.  Okay.  Goodbye, Commander."

She nodded and smiled to the turian, and he seemed to relax.  He turned back to the Mako with a barely audible, "Humans... don't get them... maybe I'll ask Tali...."

Shepard was slow in approaching the Chief.  She wanted to be casual, and she was fairly certain she was failing miserably.  She was so terrible at this part.  The beginning.  The not knowing if she would make a fool of herself.  For all she seemed the intrepid hero, most people did not know that she spent hours before a mission, studying terrain, assessing weaknesses, learning everything she could about the layout of structures and the skill of her enemy.  She was brave, but not stupid.  She was not going to walk naked into a pit of vipers.  Only, it kind of felt like that was exactly what she was doing now.

When she got closer, the Commander noticed that Ashley was watching a vid on her omnitool while she worked.  It was a teenage girl, her face filling the screen with freckles and slightly crooked teeth, and eyes the exact shape and color of Ashley's.  Ashley saw her approach and put down the half reassembled pistol, she stood and saluted, "Commander."

"At ease, Chief.  Please, you don't have to be so formal with me.  Just coming to check in."

The girl on the vid said something about how cute Alenko was and then signed off.  Shepard cocked a scarred eyebrow at Ashley, her stomach bottoming out at the thought of Ashley and Kaiden.

"Got a thing for the lieutenant, Williams?"

"No, ma'am.  That's just my little sister.  Besides, scuttlebutt is that Alenko has his eye on someone else.  What can I do for you, ma'am?"

Ashley had just skipped right over it, and now it would be weird for Shepard to pursue the questioning.  Not interested in Kaiden, huh?  Why? Cause he wasn't her type?  Cause she wasn't in to guys?  Cause she was interested in someone else?  Could that someone else be Shepard?  She couldn't ask now, and she felt like she could hear a clock ticking in her head.  She needed to say something, and quick.  So she latched on to the sister and asked about Ashley's family. 

 

The conversation was far ranging to say the least.  Growing up the daughter of a military dad who was away a lot, raising her sisters, her sister fighting with a boy who had tried to sleep with her, her dad's death, poetry, religion.  Shepard had nearly fainted when Ashley recited from _Ulysses_.  She had studied Victorian Literature at the academy on a whim, and been fascinated.  She had preferred Kipling to Tennyson, but her heart fluttered none the less. 

When Ashley had talked herself into a lull, she said she had to get back to work.  Shepard felt almost as though she was being chastised for neglecting her duties, so it was with the slightest touch of sarcasm that she said, "Dismissed, Chief."

There was no doubt of the smile in Ashley's voice when she replied, "Ma’am."

Yeah, Shepard was in trouble, and getting more in trouble by the minute. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kennedy Shepard had made an art of making herself her own master.  She held her emotions at bay, but never lost her humanity.  She would not let fear touch her, but she was never reckless.  She believed in herself and the decisions she made, but knew she made mistakes and accepted her own frailties.  She ran even when her body told her she had to stop.  She kept fighting when the odds were impossible. 

None of this was innate.  She wasn't born a pillar of strength and righteousness.  She dedicated most of her life to being the best soldier, the best officer, she could be.  Her mother's expectations were high, but her own were higher.  She knew nothing would be handed to her, and so she worked for everything she got.

So when she decided that she wanted Ashley's affections, she prepared herself for a lot of hard work.  She was delighted to find that it was nothing of the sort.  Ashley came across as hard and unapproachable at first blush, but once you got her talking, she would bloom.  A smile lighting her face and her eyes becoming distant with memory.  Shepard became more and more at ease with her, though she still found herself unable to talk about their shared appreciation for classical literature.  She kept wanting to bring up Kipling, but it always felt boastful or fake, so she never did.  Their time together became easier as her time working against Saren became more difficult.

She was unsurprised to discover that they both shared a passion for fitness, their lives as elite soldiers almost necessitating long hours in the Normandy's cramped gym.  On days when they were not groundside, they would meet on the treadmill and run and talk for hours, switching to weights only when one of the two finally admitted to be too tired to go on.  It became a good natured competition between them, one that Shepard only occasionally allowed Ashley to win.  Weights were the area where Ashley could show up her commander.  She could beat Shepard every day in both weight and reps from the start, but with each day that passed, Shepard could hold on a little longer.

The two of them were in the gym, laughing over Shepard's attempt to cheat at pull-ups, when Joker called to tell them they had arrived in the Artemis Tau Cluster and needed to scan planets for Prothean ruins. 

"So you takin' me with on this one, skipper?  Or do you want some alone time in dark, dusty corridors with a brilliant asari maiden?"

Shepard dropped from the bar and bent over, puffing out her breath, sweaty strands of short, blonde hair sticking to her forehead and neck.  Her stomach jostled nervously, trying to think of an answer that would be flirty without being too forward.  She settled on, "I guess you can come along.  We might need a chaperone." 

Ashley threw a towel in her face with one of the breathy laughs that made Shepard thank whatever god spared this one marine out of the whole unit and led her onto the Normandy.

"Or she may try to kill me, never know."

 

 *****

 

There was no attempted murder.   Not by Liara at any rate.  The krogan battlemaster and the swarm of geth gave it a go, of course, but that was to be expected.  Having met Ashley seemed to have jarred something loose in Shepard, though.  She immediately noticed that Liara was quite attractive, but it was more of a passing fancy than a serious distraction.  More the way she would feel proud of a pretty younger sister.  Ashley didn't seem to like her much.  Calling her "Mrs. Prothean Expert" was a little rude.  Wrex just chuckled and shook his head in that way he had that always made Shepard think he was talking himself out of cracking her skull open.  

When Liara melded with her back on board the Normandy, Shepard had worried that her distraction over Ashley would break through the targeted memories Liara was looking for.  When she stood there, waiting for Liara to do the whole "embrace eternity" thing, she kept stealing glances at Ashley.  She couldn't quite tell what was happening with the look Ashley was giving her.  It was clearly mistrust over Liara, but there was something else too that may have been distrust of Shepard or may have been a bad burrito from the mess.  Shepard was not always good at reading people.  The one thing she knew was that Ashley did not break eye contact with her until the moment that her own eyes went glossy and all she saw was what Liara was pulling out of her mind.  She didn't see any of the more risqué daydreams about Ashley, so at least she had that going for her.


	3. Chapter 3

Noveria had technically been a successful mission, but Shepard couldn't help but think of it as a bit of a disaster.  She stood uncertainly outside Liara's door, not sure if it was too soon to go and talk to her, but acutely aware of Dr. Chakwas pretending to be busy behind her.  Finally she pressed the button to enter the asari's room, and was surprised and pleased when Liara allowed it to be opened.

Liara was not at her terminal, as she normally was, but sitting on her bunk, her head in her hands.  She did not look up when the commander walked in.  Shepard hesitated, wondering where the line stood between 'supportive superior officer' and 'sexual harassment creeper'.  Liara had made an awkward pass at her a few days back, and Shepard had been gentle when putting her off.  She didn't want to muddy the waters now by being overly caring or too compassionate. 

Then a quiet little sob escaped Liara's lips, and Shepard's heart broke for her.  She moved quickly to sit next to Liara on the cot and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.  Liara leaned in to her, but it did not feel flirty.  It felt like a friend or a sister seeking comfort.  Shepard still couldn't help but see Liara as a little sister, despite the asari being her elder by almost 80 years.  She was lost in this world of death and destruction, adrift with no one but Shepard to guide her.  Even as an only child, Shepard knew this feeling was the protectiveness of an older sibling.

They had talked, Liara had cried, and in the end Shepard felt like the asari had matured a hundred years since she had been pulled out of those Prothean ruins just in the nick of time.  When Shepard went back the next day, she had seemed better, and their report had easily fallen into friendly terms.  Shepard found herself relaxed around Liara, and had even cancelled a gym session with Ashley to spend time chatting with her new friend.

She wondered at how she had gone from the XO with her only close connection in life being a mother who could barely spend five minutes on audio chat with her, to acting captain, growing friendships with a handful of aliens and a blooming crush on a seriously hot marine.  Life was a strange and wonderful thing sometimes.

 

*****

 

The commander couldn't help the grin that was plastered all over her face as she slowly made her way back to her cabin from the Normandy's gym.  She kept her head down as much as she could, looking at the toes of her sneakers, so that anyone she passed in the halls wouldn't see.  She kept replaying the last three hours in her mind.  She and Ashley had talked about Ashley's grandfather and the reputation her family had acquired.  Shepard had been honest and told her about the argument she had in Advanced Tactical Assessment back at the Academy with her professor.  General Falcon had been criticizing the decision to surrender to the Turians, and thus bring shame on the human race.  Shepard had argued passionately and, in her mind at least, convincingly that 'saving the lives of 100 men and women under my command would always trump saving political face'.  The General had been the only one to argue against her placement in the N7 program.

The gratitude in Ashley's eyes made Shepard stumble and nearly fall off the treadmill.

When they switched to weights they talked about Shepard growing up on frigates and being split between her parents' assignments throughout her childhood.  Perhaps only Ashley could understand how she could be so attached to her mother, despite the long separations, having gone through the same with her dad.  They talked about everything under the sun, even when they barely had breath to do it.  Shepard had finally told Ashley about her Victorian Literature class and her love of Rudyard Kipling.  Ashley had read _The Jungle Book_ more than once and was one of the few people who knew the original story rather than the 20th century musical cartoon version.

"So you know more Tennyson than you let on.  Hmmm, full of surprises, skipper."

Ashley had headed towards the crew's communal bathroom to shower before her shift started, and Shepard had unashamedly watched her walk the length of the corridor before turning to head up the stairs and her own cabin.  She was smitten.  Beyond smitten.  She was crushing hard on Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams.  She would have to say something soon, or she would run herself mad.

"Commander.  Do you have a moment to talk, ma'am?"

She had almost made it through the mess before Alenko called her out of her very pleasant thoughts.  She looked up, one hand in her pocket, one holding the half wet towel across her right shoulder.  Kaiden's face was set in a scowl, and she sighed heavily.  It wasn't that she didn't like Alenko.  He was fine, she supposed, but he had a tendency to pout when she did not select him for missions and follow her like a wounded puppy when she was on board.  She was surprised that he hadn't insinuated himself into her workout sessions with Ashley, but he was more dependent upon his biotics than she was on hers and because of it his fitness level was not exactly top flight. 

She turned and moved towards his designated corner of the mess.  His eyes on her made her acutely aware of the sweat that made her shirt cling to her body and the hair cling to her neck.  The only saving grace was that she probably stunk to high heaven, so he'd have to deal with that.  She noticed his nose wrinkle slightly as she stopped in front of him.  At least he had the grace not to say anything.

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

"I wanted to have a word with you, ma'am.  It's... well... it's about the makeup of your squad for the last few missions."

She knew it was coming, but the confirmation made her feel tired.  So damn tired and not in the mood to deal with his wounded pride.  She said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

"I just feel like you are not always putting the optimum squad in the field, and it worries me, ma'am.  I noticed you have taken Dr. T'soni with you on the last two missions.  It's smart to have a powerful biotic out there with you, Commander, but, in my opinion, she's not field ready."

"Liara's skills were very valuable during the raid on the slavers in the Nexus Cluster.  She may have been green when she came to us, but she will not improve if she doesn't have a chance to experience live combat."

Alenko shifted on his feet, "Sure.  I get that.  And if it was just a raid I wouldn't say a word, but then you took her with you onto Noveria..."

Shepard cut him off, already impatient with his fussing, "Even you cannot deny that Liara had every right to face her own mother.  Had your situations been reversed, wouldn't you want the chance to try and convince your mother to give up, to turn herself in?  Wouldn't you want to be there when she died if nothing else?"

"I don't deny that she..."

"Then what is it, Alenko?  If you are not questioning my compassion, are you questioning my command?"

"No, ma'am.  Neither, ma'am."

"Then what is your problem, Alenko?  I want to hit the showers and I'm not exactly a fan of this conversation."

"I just don't know why you are not choosing me to go on more missions!  I mean, Ashley is a great soldier and all, but she is on your squad almost every time!  Now Liara is constantly getting the other slot!  The turian and the krogan are going constantly, hell, you even take the quarian groundside!  I'm a good soldier and I deserve some action!"

Shepard sighed and rubbed the back of her neck.  He had a point, of course, despite his rudeness.  She should be taking him more, but she just felt more comfortable with Ashley and Liara on her flanks.  "You're right, Lieutenant.  I should take you on more missions.  The bottom line is that I have fought with you more often than the others, and I have wanted to get a feel for what they can bring to the squad.  When we head to Virmire, you will be on my squad.  That's a promise."

Kaiden grinned and the smugness of it infuriated Shepard right when she was starting to feel more charitable towards the guy.

"However," his grin faltered just a little. "If I ever hear you refer to 'the turian, the krogan, or the quarian' again then it will be your last mission with me.  They have names and you damn well better use them, Lieutenant.  Those squadmates have done a lot to fight Saren and they deserve respect.  I won't have any anti-alien sentiment on my boat."

"No, ma'am.  I'm sorry.  I was upset." A smile that was only a hair's breadth from a leer spread across Alenko's face. "I was just worried you didn't like me anymore.  But I know that can't be true.  Don’t worry, I've been picking up on your signals.  Loud and clear."

Shepard cringed inwardly.  She knew this was coming at some point, in fact, she probably should have shut it down a long time ago, but she was distracted by Ashley and she hadn't wanted to deal with the fallout.  If he pouted this much when he thought she liked him, he would be unbearable when he knew she didn't.  She honestly could not think of a single moment when she had encouraged him.  She, in fact, talked to him less than the rest of the crew, and the personal questions were always a bare minimum.  If he saw or heard her conversations with the rest of the crew, he would have known she had no interest in him.  Well, she had to set him straight now, even though it would make Virmire awkward as hell.

"I do like you, Lieutenant, but not the way you think I do.  If I have given off some crossed signals, I apologize, but my interest in you is as a crew member and fellow soldier.  Absolutely nothing more."

In a less uncomfortable situation, the play of emotions over his face would be almost funny.  As she started speaking, his face became a mask of confusion, then disbelief.  Then his eyes clouded over and Shepard braced herself for the storm.

"Nothing more?  Nothing more?  Seriously!  I should have seen this coming.  It's my fault, really.  Everything was great, I was taking it slow.  Then you drag the asari on board and you don't give me the time of day!  Flirting with her shamelessly.  Spending hours in there with her on that cot in the med bay.  I almost said something when you brought her on board.  I should have.  Bad enough that she is the daughter of Saren's slut.  It's like bringing a hooker on board the ship to have an asari here..."

Shepard ears buzzed and her eyes were on fire.  She had thrown her hand, glowing blue with biotics, out before she could stop to think.  The blast hit him right in the chest, and, had he not been a foot or so from the bulkhead, she may have actually hurt him.  Instead his words were cut off with a grunt as he slammed back into the wall, his head cracking on a monitor.  He was pinned against the wall a few feet off the ground, and she was still pushing against him with all of her force.  He started to choke and gasp for breath.

Her teeth were clenched hard together, and spit flew as she spoke through them, "Say one more word, Alenko.  Say one more word and I will blast you out of the airlock without a second thought."

Shepard heard feet running around her, felt a tug on her arm, saw Alenko's eyes lose focus and his lips start to turn blue, but she did not release him.  She did not budge.  Something in the back of her head told her to calm down, that this was bordering on conduct unbecoming, but she was furious and her mind refused to listen.  They was he spoke about Benezia, who had, in the end, sacrificed herself to weaken Saren.  The way he spoke of Liara, who was so innocent and who would never hurt a soul except in self-defense.  The implications about Shepard and her relationship with Liara, which felt to her like he had accused her of taking advantage of a teenager. 

Shepard had never claimed to be a saint.  She knew there was a streak of the rebel in her, a renegade that she fought most of the time.  Sometimes a hero had to have a bit of a mean streak.  A soldier could not always save the day with negotiation. She had rarely let it go this far, however. She usually kept her temper in better check. 

Alenko let out a strangled gasp, and something in the sound brought Shepard back to herself.  Her jaw loosened, and the blue hand that had been yanking on her arm was finally able to overcome her strength.  Liara pulled Shepard's arm down to her side, and Kaiden dropped in a heap on the floor, choking in air and holding his head.  Shepard thought of his migraines and felt guilty as hell.

"Shepard!" Liara stared at her in disbelief.  She hoped the asari had not heard any of the words that had passed between her and Alenko before she attacked him.

Angry tears leaked from Shepard's eyes and mixed with the sweat drying on her cheeks.  Liara raised her hand up to force Shepard's gaze into her own.

"Are you well, Shepard?  What has happened?"

"N-nothing.  We had a... disagreement.  It's fine.  Can someone get Dr. Chakwas to look after him?"

She was about to turn away and flee to her cabin when she looked up to see Ashley standing at the top of the stairs, hair wet, mouth hanging open, eyes staring.  Shepard was suddenly aware of Liara's hand still pressed to her cheek, and her face flushed.

Ashley and Shepard turned to leave the scene in opposite directions at the same moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for all the Kaiden hate here. I've had a grudge against him since my first playthrough. I kept him alive because I didn't know better, and he ruined the story of my favorite Shepard! Also, his little homophobic butthurt rant when you turn him down for Liara is obnoxious.


	4. Chapter 4

This was it.  Now or never.  The crossing of the Rubicon.  Shepard had made her decision, and now she had to live with the consequences, whatever they may be.  The thought of everything that might go wrong made her sick.  The thought of everything that might go right made her giddy.  She had waited long enough to make the call, and now she had to make it.  She was ready.

"Williams?"

Ashley looked up from her rifle and smiled weakly at her commander.  It was clear that the weight of everything she had seen was pressing on her.  She was strong though, and she would be okay in the end.  More than okay if everything went to plan.

Wrex chuckled behind them.  Garrus fiddled with the Mako.

"We're landing at the Citadel in the morning to fuel up before we head to Virmire.  I was thinking we could take our run off ship for once.  The loop of the Presidium gardens is about five miles.  Wanna meet me at the airlock at 0500?  We can see the Citadel sunrise while we run."

Shepard could swear that she saw Ashley's eyes light up.  She chose to take that as a hopeful sign.

"Sounds great, Commander!  It'll be nice to go for a run and actually get somewhere.  I hear that the sun rise over the Presidium lake is beautiful."

Shepard let the air out of her lungs in a rush.  She had thought that Ashley might be wary of her after seeing her fight Kaiden.  Well, fight was a strong word.  'Sucker punch with a few thousand BTUs of biotic energy' was closer to the mark.  She had apologized to Kaiden, of course, and he had admitted his behavior was unacceptable.  That might have been fear or the migraine talking, though.  And the rest of the crew had not had a chance to talk to him since he was hold up in the med bay in an isolation chamber, protecting him from light and sound until his migraine cleared.  It had been a couple of days. 

"Great!  See you in the morning then.  0500. Did I mention that?"

Ashley smiled her crooked smile, "You did, yeah."

"Bring a bottle of water.  It gets hot up there.  You know that, though.  We've been there together before.  Just not running.  Or alone.  Okay!  I'll see you in the morning!"

She stumbled over her feet a little and turned to shrug at Ashley as she walked off.  She caught a look on Ashley's face that she couldn't quite place.  Shock maybe, or maybe she was just trying not to laugh at her superior officer's near fall.

******

 Shepard had barely slept.  She was going over scenarios in her head.  She was planning different angles of attack.  Would it be too forward to just grab Ashley and kiss her in the middle of the gardens?  Maybe she should ask permission?  That might kill the mood.  And what if she asked and Ashley said no and just ran off?  Should she recite poetry of some sort?  Shepard had actually spent almost an hour looking up sonnets before she realized it might be a bit early for love poetry.  Maybe she should wait until the first date?  Then she got hung up on defining if this counted as a first date. 

What with one thing and another, she barely got a couple hours of sleep.  And the sleep she got was light and unsatisfying.  They docked on the Citadel at around 0200, and the sound of Joker limping past her door on the way to his bunk woke her up.  Her mind immediately went into scenarios the way it would before an important mission, and she gave it up as a bad job and went to shower and change for her run. 

Ashley was bouncing between the balls of her feet just outside the airlock when Shepard slumped up.  The sight of her ponytail bobbing up and down and the lines of her calf muscles flexing did the job of waking the commander up.  She was calm now, ready for battle.

Ashley heard her approach and turned with a grin, "Ready to get lapped by an enlisted grunt, Shepard?"

The sound of her own name on the marine's lips made her grin wickedly, "Just try it, Chief.  I'll leave you in my dust, begging for mercy."

They walked off the elevator at the C-Sec entrance to the Presidium grounds and made their way slowly to the gardens access.  The atmosphere was light and cool, like a late spring morning back on Earth, no bite in the air.  The half-light of predawn barely illuminated the keepers who were the only other living things in sight.  The path through the gardens was lit with recessed orbs every few feet, and the two women started a jog the minute they hit the path.  They had learned each other's habits and preferences, and warmed up in amicable silence for the first few minutes.  When they picked up the pace, it was at the same moment, with no need to ask permission.

They were about an hour in to their run, chatting lightly occasionally, when the holographic sun finally broke over the Presidium.  Yellow light spilled across the lake, sending shimmering specks dancing across the glass of shops and offices.  The sunrise on the Citadel was quick, based more on the impression the Council wanted to relay than on the reality of a sunrise on any of the homeworlds. It was controlled by practicality above all else, but it was meant to be an awe inspiring sight as well.  Ashley subconsciously slowed her pace while she watched the sight.  Shepard looked around quickly and saw, off to their right, a sort of alcove created by tall hedges.  There was an unoccupied stone bench in the center, and the half open front of the space would afford them a great view of the sunrise.  Shepard silently pointed and Ashley glanced at the spot before nodding and heading towards it. 

They stopped and stood, both watching the light splash over the white buildings and the green grass.  They drank from their water bottles and then placed them on the bench, crossing their arms and watching while they caught their breath.  After a few short minutes the whole area was lit and the only changes were in the depth and hue of the light.  The sun filled so much of the sky that it was nearly frightening, but the feeling of danger only made the sight more impressive, despite the knowledge that it was all farce.

Shepard looked over at Ashley and she half turned her head to smile.  Not the crooked, half grin that Shepard found so appealing, but a full on, open smile that showed teeth and pure joy.  Almost a childlike happiness.  It was something completely unexpected from the solid, reserved soldier.  It made Shepard realize that some of her favorite things about Ashley were those unexpected things. 

She had almost formulated a plan to tell Ashley that thought, had in fact been ready to put those very words on her tongue.  But she couldn't.  She heart was swelling in her chest and it hurt and she couldn't speak, she could only act.  Shepard reached out a hand and cupped Ashley's cheek.  Her world slowed to a crawl as she leaned in her head and closed her eyes.  The moment that their lips met her stomach clenched with anxiety and anticipation. She pressed her lips to Ashley's, not breathing, not moving.  The moment hung suspended and still, as if caught in solid amber.

After several frantic heartbeats, Shepard noticed that Ashley had not responded, had, in fact, stiffened at the moment their lips had touched.  Despite her intense need for this moment to be a milestone, it was like kissing a statue.  She allowed her lips to linger on Ashley's for a split second more.  If this was to be the only time that Shepard's lips touched Ashley's, she wanted just another moment to memorize their feel.  Then she started to pull away, releasing the pressure on the other woman's lips with agonizing slowness.

The change in pressure seemed to spark something in Ashley.  It was as though she realized she was losing something, and her hands shot up to grab it back.  She gripped Shepard's face with both hands and pressed back in to the kiss.  She kissed Shepard fiercely and turned her head to one side, so that their faces fit together closer.  Ashley parted her lips slightly and Shepard did not hesitate, opening her own so that their tongues could meet.  Shepard reached out her free hand and put it around Ashley's waist, pulling their bodies into each other.  Ashley did not shy away from the contact, instead pressing the length of her body against Shepard and deepening the kiss even more. 

After several moments of being locked together, they finally broke the kiss, gasping for air, and, at least in Shepard's case, trying to contain her happy lightheadedness.  Ashley did not let go of Shepard's face, or allow their bodies to break contact.  She latched her eyes on to Shepard's the moment they opened and there was hunger and shock mingled in them. 

She just started and breathed heavily for a moment before finally managing a throaty, "Shepard."

It was not a question or an exclamation.  It seemed almost a confirmation.  As though for a moment she was trying to remember who it was standing with her in this lush garden, the morning sun warming their skin.

A whisper escaped Shepard's mouth.  It was all she could manage, "Ashley."

Ashley groaned at the sound of her own name and slammed their faces back together in a kiss that held the same desperation as the first. She moved one of her hands to Shepard's short, blonde hair and gripped it loosely.  This kiss they broke more quickly, both eager to determine what the other was thinking.  What the other was feeling.

Ashley spoke first, her face still inches from Shepard's, "I didn't think that you... I mean, I hoped, but then there was Liara..."

Shepard shook her head slowly, her lips curling up, "No, Ash.  Not Liara.  You.  It was always you."

Ashley laughed.  The sound was of pure relief, and her body sagged a little, "Jesus, Shepard.  You could have said something!  I've been pining for you since Feros!"

 

Now Shepard laughed and, because she couldn't think of anything she wanted to do more, she drew them into another kiss.  This one softer, but no less dizzying.

After a moment, Ashley put her hands on Shepard's collarbone and pushed her face away to better look into Shepard's eyes.  Shepard couldn't help but let out a quiet whimper at the end of the kiss.

"But you attacked Kaiden, and the word is that he said something awful about Liara when you turned him down.  Then, when I came upstairs.... well, she had her hand on your face.  What was that all about?"

Shepard blushed, "Okay, yes, I attacked him because he said something rude about Liara.  And yeah, she had her hand on my face, but it wasn't like that.  He was being a total jerk about me taking you and Liara on every mission!  He thought that it was cause I was in to her..."

"Maybe it has to do with you hold up in her room for hours at a time!"

"Okay, yeah, but she's.... it's like she's my kid sister.  You know how you told me that story about Sara and Mike?  Well, if Sara hadn't kicked his ass, you would have, right?  That's what happened there."

"News flash, skipper, she doesn't think of you as her kid sister."

Heat was rising in Ashley's face, and she had very pointedly put space in between their bodies.  Shepard decided that drastic measures were necessary, and she pulled Ashley back to her, "I know that.  She told me, but I told her I wasn't interested.  Probably in a nicer way than I told Kaiden, but she knows the score, ok?  Her feelings for me… well, they don't matter to me.  Your feelings for me matter.  And mine for you.  So, you and I have wanted each other for so long, here I am in your arms and you want to talk about Liara?"

Ashley let her hands slide off of Shepard's chest up her neck and slowly, so wickedly slowly into her slightly damp hair, "You make a compelling argument, Skipper."

They buried themselves deep in another kiss, all thoughts of their run and the sunrise dissolving in the face of their new found bliss.  When they broke the kiss, they pressed their foreheads together and just held each other for a long moment.

"So, Chief Williams," Shepard's voice was nervous as she asked. "I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me while we were here on the Citadel?"

She could feel Ashley's smile against her cheek, and her body buzzed as Ashley moved her mouth to Shepard's ear and whispered, "I think we can come to terms, Commander.  You are, after all, negotiating from a favorable position.  But I'm not some back woods colony girl.  You have to take me to the best restaurant on the Citadel."

 

Shepard shivered at the feel of Ashley's breath on her neck, and her fingers traced lazy patterns on the marine's back as she answered, "I'll see what I can arrange.  Being a Spectre has to have a few perks, right?"

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay- it's been long enough I think- time for the smut!

"Williams!" The tone of Shepard's voice booming out through the Comm Room was not one that anyone on the squad had heard before.  
  
Ashley turned, and raised her eyes to meet the commander's, squaring her shoulders.  
  
Before she could say a word, Shepard advanced, "We need to talk. My cabin. Now."  
  
Shepard continued moving past her, eyes fixed straight ahead, not making contact with anyone that she passed. Everyone else had frozen, but now they moved out of the commander's way, not wanting to be the focus of her obvious irritation.  Ashley fell into march, three steps behind the commander, head still high.  Inside, however, she was a wreck.  She had spoken out of turn during the debrief, and it didn't seem like she was going to get a gentle chiding for that.  More like a full dressing down.  Given her past and her last name, those talks usually came with a demotion or reassignment. She felt like she had a lot more to lose this time.  
  
Shepard barely broke stride as the door to her cabin hissed open.  She marched in and stood, feet apart, arms crossed over her chest, back to Ashley and the room, until the door shut and the air pressure normalized. One of the few consolations to having her personal cabin right next to the mess, was that the design allowed for it to be sound proof.  Triple thick steel walls and a negative pressure door seal meant that she could scream at her subordinates without them having to face a half dozen grinning marines when they were finally dismissed.  
  
Shepard was quivering with anger. Ashley could tell by the set of her shoulders as she stood, hands clasped behind her back. Ashley stood at attention just inside the door, near the commander's desk, waiting for the inevitable.  
  
Shepard turned, subconsciously executing a flawless about face. Her face was a mask of rage, but she was clearly fighting to control her voice.  
  
"On this ship, Chief, I make the decisions. I set the rules. I am in command. That does not change when we are groundside. Have I failed to make this fact clear to you in the past?"  
  
"No, ma'am."  
  
"When we are in mission debrief and I am addressing the crew, I am in charge of the proceedings. You speak when spoken to. You answer my questions and you offer advice but only when appropriate to do so. Have I failed to make this fact clear to you?"  
  
"No, ma'am."  
  
Ashley could not bear to look at her commander's face any more. She focused on a spot just over Shepard's left shoulder.  
  
"If you have concerns regarding my command decisions, you bring them to me privately, Chief. You DO NOT question my leadership in front of the entire FUCKING crew..."  
  
"Commander, I..."  
  
"HOLD YOUR TONGUE, DAMMIT!"  
  
Ashley bit off the rest of her sentence so quickly that her teeth clicked.  
  
Shepard took one step forward and raised one hand, pointing her finger at Ashley, "You wanna throw your life away to make some ridiculous point about your grandfather, that's on you. But you do not question the strategic calls I make and act like I don't care about losing a member of my crew!  You have no idea how hard it is for me to make calls like that!"  
  
Ashley's heart sank. She would never think anything like that about Shepard. If that was the impression she had given she had to make sure Shepard knew she didn't think that at all.  
  
"Shepard, I never..."  
  
"YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS COMMANDER, WILLIAMS!"  
  
Shepard took another step closer, her cheeks were flushed, but she was doing an admirable job of controlling herself, considering.  
  
"If you cannot maintain proper discipline while we are pursuing a relationship, then perhaps we need to rethink this. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe my crossing the line with you made you think that you can defy my authority, but I assure you that is not the case! AND WILL YOU FUCKING LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!"  
  
Ashley's eyes snapped back to Shepard's face, afraid of what she had ruined. Would she really leave her over this?  What she saw on Shepard's face did not calm her fears. Shepard was livid, her eyes burning and her teeth clenched.  It certainly did not help matters that Ashley found the sight of her, animated by rage, completely and utterly sexy.  
  
Trying not to let either her fear or her lust show, Ashley stood herself a little taller.  
  
"When you get your own command, Williams, then maybe I will accept your criticism of my decisions. Not until then. Of course I feel the loss of Alenko. We may have had a bit of a rocky relationship, but I would not be worth my pips if I let something like that color my judgement."  
  
"No, ma'am."  
  
"I saved you instead of Alenko. It was the right decision, and I would make it again."  
  
"Yes, ma'am"  
  
Shepard took another step forward, she was only feet from Ashley, who could almost feel the anger radiating off her.  She still seemed to be furious, despite the mood of the room calming somewhat.  Ashley knew her breathing was quickening, but she tried to mask it by standing perfectly still.  
  
"Don't you EVER question my command again, DO YOU HEAR ME?"  
  
Ashley tried so hard to control her body, but it was her voice that betrayed her. There was the slightest shimmer, like heat rising off the desert when she replied, "Yes, ma'am"  
  
Something seemed to snap. Some thread holding the pieces of Shepard taut severed. Suddenly she was on Ashley, kissing her so hard it made Ashley's teeth ache.  Shepard pushed her back, kissing her fiercely, until her legs hit the desk.  
  
Ashley snapped her hands up to Shepard's face, one pressing across her cheek and the other burying itself in her deep in her hair.  Ashley grabbed a fistful of that choppy blonde hair and held on. She had no idea what had happened, what had changed, but she wanted everything that was thrown at her. She wanted to consume Shepard’s rage. To incite it rather than quell it. She wanted it to smash over her and drown her.  
  
Shepard reached down and gripped the back of Ashley's thighs. Her fingers pressed into the flesh and Ashley couldn't stop a tiny yelp of pain that was muffled by the mouth against hers. The commander pulled her up by her thighs and deposited Ashley onto the desk with a bang.  
  
Shepard forced her leg in between Ashley's bent knees and shoved them apart. She forced her body in the space she had created just as she was forcing her tongue into Ashley’s mouth. The chief moaned unabashedly, and pushed her pelvis closer to the commander's, wrapping her legs around the other woman's hips.

Shepard felt possessed. Unhinged. Something in the waver of Ashley’s voice had brought crashing into her mind how very close she had come. The nearness of loss. She had been one thought, one bad call away from losing this woman forever. If she had not turned around, had not gone back, then she would never have the chance to hold Ashley like this. The frailty of that moment had filled her with more fear even than she had felt on the surface. She had to have Ashley. Right now. Hard and fast and alive.  
  
Ashley let her hand drop from Shepard's face to the hem of her shirt. Maybe she should have been worrying about if they we're moving too fast or if Shepard felt as much for her as Ashley felt for her. Maybe she should have been nervous about whether she still remembered how to do this after so very long. She didn't, though, every potential thought was drown out by what Shepard was doing and how intensely her body was reacting. Ashley felt like she was on fire. Her mind was blank but her body... Her body was electric.  
  
She grabbed at the hem of Shepard's shirt and pulled it up. Shepard broke the kiss for an instant to let Ashley pull the fabric over her head, but then she crashed back in to her chief.  Ashley's response had clearly encouraged her, and she was now tugging at Ashley's shirt. She did not pull it over her head, though. She pushed it up far enough to expose Ashley's black silk bra, and then she grabbed her left breast in a bruising grip, kneading her through the thin fabric.  
  
Ashley moaned deeply and bucked her hips into the other woman's.  
  
She broke the kiss, threw her head back and breathed, "Oh god, Shepard..."  
  
The sound Shepard made was guttural, full of animal need. She picked Ashley up off the desk and turned with her, carrying her to the bed and depositing her roughly on top. She locked her eyes on the other woman and climbed onto her. She reached down and grabbed the shirt that was bunched around Ashley's armpits and yanked it off of her, smiling darkly at the sound of the fabric tearing. Ashley propped herself up on her elbows and quickly unhooked her bra.  As soon as it was loose, Shepard grabbed a handful of it and ripped it off Ashley's body, tossing it behind her without a backward glance.  The chief gasped at the ferocity of the woman on top of her, and felt her thighs grow warm and wet.  
  
The Shepard was on her again, her mouth wrapping closed around her right nipple. Ashley arched into the other woman's mouth and locked her hands into her hair.

Ashley found herself panting, actually panting as Shepard's tongue flicked over her hard nipple. She closed her eyes and laid her head back and let herself succumb to the pleasure her commander was giving her. Shepard switched to the other breast and the cold air of the cabin made her wet nipple clench.  Meanwhile, the other woman was blindly unbuckling her belt, and then unzipping her pants.  Ashley's stomach flipped with anticipation. Something in the back of her mind chose that moment to remind her that this was Commander Kennedy Shepard, hero of Elysium, first human Spectre on top of her.  She tried to pretend that didn't slightly intimidate her, but then there was the fact that being straddled by a living legend was incredibly erotic.  She fumbled and finally managed to unhook Shepard's bra without moving their bodies out of position. Shepard reached up with her free hand and pulled it off, never even breaking rhythm with her mouth.  
  
With a suddenness that Ashley had not expected, Shepard's mouth was gone again. She had, in fact, moved off of Ashley to the end of the bed where she grabbed Ashley's uniform pants and ripped them down her body.  She had them off in two strokes, and then took even less time to remove her completely soaked boy shorts.  Ashley had about a split second to wonder what the sight of her, naked on her back, did to Shepard before the woman gripped the back of her knees, yanked Ashley to the end of the bed, and dropped to her knees in one fluid movement.  
  
Without preamble, Shepard spread Ashley's legs and buried her face between them. Ashley yelled with pleasure when Shepard's tongue slammed into her clit, starting broad strokes that teased the top of her dripping opening and swept across her throbbing clit.  Shepard was decisive and forceful and everything about it was working for Ashley.  She pulled her torso up off the bed so that she could reach Shepard's hair and slide her fingers through it. She propped one foot on the bed and used it as leverage to grind her hips into Shepard's mouth.  
  
"Oh fuck, Shepard!  Oh god please, Shepard! Fuck, oh fuck, oh...."  
  
Her chant was cut off with a whimper when Shepard wrenched her head away. She looked down desperately and pleaded with her eyes for an explanation.  
  
Shepard still looked mad, "Kennedy."  
  
"Wha... What?"  
  
"Call me Kennedy, dammit! Can't you use my first name while I'm fucking you?"  
  
Ashley couldn't help but laugh weakly, letting her hand fall from Shepard's hair to stroke her strong jaw, "Yeah, Kennedy. I think I can."  
  
At the sound of her name, Shepard snapped her face back down between Ashley's legs and attacked her with renewed vigor.  Ashley was almost embarrassed at how close she was to cumming already.  Then Shepard slipped two fingers inside her and she moaned.  
  
"Oh god, Kennedy- please baby, don't stop. Oh Kennedy..."  
  
Shepard began a rhythm between the strokes of her tongue and the strokes of her fingers that had Ashley speechless and breathless.  She could feel sweat trickling between her breasts and pooling in her belly button.  Pressure started to rise inside her so quickly it scared her, and then she was screaming Kennedy's name and her whole body was clenching and unclenching with no regard to free will and she was soaked in her own sweat and cum.  Shepard slowed her rhythm, but didn't stop completely until her throat could no longer make sounds and her body was twitching uncomfortably at every touch.  Her head was thrown back at an unnatural angle, but the thought of moving a single muscle in her body was impossible.  
  
Then Shepard had pulled out of her and was moving towards her on the bed. Her muscles snapped to attention when she felt hard nipples graze her abdomen.  She flashed her arm around Shepard's shoulders and flipped the other woman's body beneath hers.  She was a little uncoordinated after her orgasm, and she landed rather heavily on top of her commander. The woman exhaled with a grunt, but wrapped her arms around Ashley's back and pulled her closer.  
  
Ashley kissed Shepard with all the passion she had hoarded away for weeks of watching and wanting.  She grabbed the woman's breast and kneaded, then released it to tease and pinch her nipple.  She groaned into Ashley's mouth and bucked her hips into the naked woman on top of her.  Ashley tore at the Spectre's belt and then zipper, managing the open her pants.  
  
Ashley couldn't wait.  She wanted Shepard to be naked beneath her, to caress her.  But whether it was the forcefulness that Ashley had so appreciated from Shepard inspiring her, or the frustration of weeks in the gym together, she simply couldn't wait.  She thrust her hand greedily down Shepard's pants, beneath her underwear.  She was gratified to find so much wetness there.  Shepard was dripping. For her.  
  
Ashley went straight for the woman's swollen clit.  She rubbed in circles, pressing harder as Shepard moaned into her mouth.  She could feel Shepard's breath catch and feel her squirm.  She was as close as Ashley had been, and she wanted to finish the woman.  Give her that sweet relief.  She wanted to be inside her, but the pants were too constricting.  
  
She broke he kiss and panted, "Kennedy- your pants- I can't- I want to be inside you."  
  
Shepard groaned and kissed her hard, raking her short nails down Ashley's back, "No, you don't have to. Just keep doing EXACTLY what you're doing. Oh fuck! Please, Ash!"  
  
Ashley complied, speeding up her rhythm and pressing her thigh between Shepard's legs, adding pressure against her own hand.  An instant later Shepard arched her back, grabbed painfully at her hips, and began shouting Ashley's name as she orgasmed.  
  
The grace and beauty of it made Ashley gasp. It was overwhelming and it had been far too long since she had brought pleasure to a lover.  She drank in every sight and sound and smell and realized that she was hopelessly addicted to this amazing woman.  
  
*******  
  
Not long later, Ashley was half laying on Shepard, her hand resting on the other woman's stomach, fingertips just barely under the waistband of her underwear. Her eyes were closed and she sighed contentedly.  Shepard had one arm resting on the bed above her head, the other wrapped around Ashley. Her fingertips were tracing across the woman's back lazily, and she would occasionally hit a ticklish spot, causing Ashley to flinch into her body and laugh weakly.  Shepard had not felt so content in years, but beneath the tranquil scene, her mind raced guiltily.  
  
Finally she couldn't keep her thoughts to herself.  She turned her head to look at Ashley, who didn't move.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Ash.  I... I didn't want our first time to be like this.  You aren't... Are we okay?"  
  
Ashley lifted her head from the other woman's shoulder and looked into her eyes, weariness and satisfaction making her lids heavy, "Of course we're okay. What're you talking about?"  
  
Shepard blushed. Actually blushed, "Well, I was sort of mad, and I was... More forceful than I like to be in bed.  I don't want you to think that I was... I don't know- forcing myself on you."  
  
"I'm not saying I want it like this all the time," Ashley said with her crooked smile. "But a girl does like to be tossed around every now and then."  
  
"I'm serious, Ash. You would tell me if... If this wasn't okay."  
  
It hadn't occurred to Ashley until that moment how concerned Shepard was about this.  She propped herself on her elbow and looked at Shepard. She moved her hand from her stomach to settle over Shepard’s heart, taking comfort from the strong pulse. The other woman didn't seem to want to catch her eye, afraid of what she might see there.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Shepard glanced at her and then back at the wall.  
  
"Hey," Ashley pulled her body fully on top of Shepard's and grabbed the woman's chin.  Finally Shepard looked at her.  
  
"Remember how I told you that Williams women get what they want, when they want it. Not before. Not after?"  
  
Shepard allowed herself to relax, smiling at the memory, "I may have been too busy fantasizing about kissing you to commit that one to memory."  
  
Ashley slowly leaned down, her hair falling in curtains on either side of their faces as she slowly and sensuously kissed Shepard.  Her tongue slipping slowly out of the other woman's mouth as she finished, flicking the tip against the other woman's upper lip.  She was rewarded with a shiver from Shepard that she felt go from the woman's hairline to her toes.  
  
"Well, you won't forget again now, will you?"  
  
Shepard shook her head, eyes wide.  


"Good."  Ashley moved her head to kiss down Shepard's jawline. "Now tell me."  She kissed down Shepard's neck. "Exactly." She kissed across her collarbone.  "What you _did_ have planned."  She kissed down her chest towards her heaving breasts. "For our first time."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluffy smut to help us all get through a cold winter...

Shepard bounded up the stairs from engineering, taking them two at a time.  She was grinning from ear to ear.  The more she talked to Tali, the more she liked the quarian.  She was smart and funny and she was a valuable member of the crew groundside.  It was a shame that she would head back to the flotilla when this was all over.  
  
But that wasn't why Shepard was in such a good mood.  She had played her part, gone and talked to every crew member after coming back from another endless day of surveying planets and destroying a red sand production facility in a no name cluster at the edge of the galaxy.  She had acted normal all day, so now it wouldn't look strange if she disappeared to her cabin for a few hours.  Then she just had to wait two hours until Ashley was off duty, and she could invent a reason to get her into her cabin.  Once she was there...  
  
They had barely had a moment to see each other since Virmire and the fireworks that followed.  Just a few desperate make out sessions in dark corners of the ship.  Those had only made the longing worse, though.  Now Shepard was frantic.  She couldn't wait any longer.  She needed Ashley. Today.  
  
She was contemplating some very pleasant memories from their only night together and was barely paying attention to where she was going.  Then suddenly an access panel in the stairwell burst open and she was grabbed by a pair of strong hands.  She had no chance to defend herself and was thrown against a wall of electronics as the panel door banged shut.  She only had time to register the tiny closet-like room around her before a muscular thigh was pressed between her legs and a very familiar pair of lips were latched on to hers.  
  
She began to kiss Ashley back with all of the intensity that had built over the days and days of wanting.  
  
"Christ, Skipper," Ashley breathed as she moved her mouth to Shepard's neck and dug at the hem of her shirt, trying to untuck it from her uniform pants. "What the hell were you talking to Tali about for so long? I thought I'd die in here."  
  
Shepard gripped her Chief's ass hard with both hands, pulling her thigh harder between her legs.  The pleasure that shot through her at the increased pressure was so delicious, she threw he head back and moaned.  
  
"I was trying to act normal so that I could call you to my cabin later and fuck your brains out without anyone asking questions."  
  
Ashley purred- seriously purred- at the thought.  She finally got Shepard's shirt free and pulled it up to expose her flat stomach.  She rubbed the woman's abs with one hand as she pulled at her own shirt with the other.  
  
"Sorry, Kennedy, I couldn't wait that long.  I needed you.  I need to feel your skin," she grabbed at the muscular stomach under her fingers.  Then she freed her own shirt tail and pressed her exposed stomach against the other.  She gasped at the contact, "I needed to feel my skin against yours."  
  
They stopped talking then for a long time as they kissed desperately, tongues clashing while heat and wetness grew for both of them. Then Ashley couldn't take it anymore and started grinding her hips into Shepard's with a dizzying rhythm.  
  
Shepard's mind went blank, the pressure against her clit, even through the clothes making her body shake and plead for more.  
  
"Ashley... Oh fuck, Ashley.  Fuck... I'm not sure how long... Oh god.... I can last with you doing that."  
  
Ashley's hand slipped under her shirt and teased her nipple through the fabric of her bra.  
  
"I don’t want you to last, baby.  I want you to cum for me right now, cause... God, I am right behind you."  
  
Ashley threw her head back and moaned.  Shepard hadn't realized that this could be doing do much for her too, so she adjusted her own leg to give more pressure to Ashley.  
  
The response was instantaneous.  Ashley sped her rhythm and Shepard matched it, her vision starting to blur as she got closer and closer to the edge.  She grabbed Ashley's hips and arched her pelvis into the woman.  She had some half formed notion of being gallant and holding off until Ashley had cum, but watching their bodies grind together was too much.  
  
She remembered where they were just in time to bite back her scream.  Ashley kept the pace even when Shepard faltered, but it was only a few seconds before her body spasmed too and they were whispering each other’s names, coming down off of their too long delayed release.  
  
Finally, Ashley slumped against Shepard, who wrapped both arms around her, holding her close.  
  
"Ash... I... Thank god you dragged me in here."  
  
Ashley petted her bicep absently and mumbled something that sounded like, "You're welcome."  
  
They stood holding each other for another minute or so before Ashley sighed and pulled out of Shepard's arms, "I better go or someone will wonder why I'm not at my post."  
  
"Yeah, I hear your captain's a real hard ass."  
  
Shepard stood up and turned, tucking her shirt in, making sure she hasn't broken any of the equipment behind her.  Ashley slapped her hard on the butt and said, "No one but me better be talking about your ass, hard or otherwise."  
  
They laughed and kissed and then Ashley was opening the panel, "Wait here a minute and then stop by and call me to your cabin when I get off duty.  We might actually get the romantic, naked sex we talked about."  
  
With a wink, she was gone.  Shepard sighed and smiled at the ceiling.  She counted to 100 and thought enough time had passed.  
  
When she stepped out of the room, the first thing she saw was Tali, leaning against the wall, her arms crossed.  
  
"So you're finally done? Can I get in there and turn the water recycler back on?"  
  
Shepard could feel her face get hot.  She rubbed the back of her neck and shuffled, "Not sure what you mean, Tali."  
  
Tali tilted her head, and Shepard was sure that, if she could see the quarian's eyes, she would have seen them roll, "I mean that while you and Gunnery Chief Williams were having sex in the environmental controls access chamber, one of you hit the override switch to stop all water recycling throughout the ship.  The panel is about at your shoulder height, commander, you probably didn't notice because you were having sex with Gunnery Ch...."  
  
  
"Okay! Okay, I get the picture."  
  
Shepard stepped aside and Tali opened the access door, tapping a few panels that were definitely where she had been leaning.  
  
"So, uh, Tali.  I would really appreciate your discretion on this matter.  It'd just that... You know.... Ashley and I aren't exactly keen on talking about this with the whole crew yet."  
  
Tali was still typing commands, half of her body in this corridor, half in the small room, "You two should really be better about the spots where you meet up then. Like maybe don't make out right outside my sleeper pod.  The front is glass, you know."  
  
Shepard dropped her face into her hands, "So.... You were in there?"  
  
"Yep. You didn’t even check.  Again I remind you, the. Front. Is. Glass."  
  
The commander thought back over the day they met by the pods.  She blushed even harder and decided she needed to check her Codex to see if the things were soundproof.  
  
"So... Does anyone else..."  
  
"I'm the only one lucky enough to have been an eye witness.  Joker is REALLY interested, though.  You might want to check you cabin for cameras."  
  
Shepard cringed at the thought and then was struck, "Wait!  If you're the only one who has seen us, how does Joker know?"  
  
Tali hit one final command and then secured the panel in place, "Because I told him."  
  
She started down the stairs as Shepard looked on in horror.  
  
"Also, I told Garrus."  
  
Shepard let out a mortified squeak and belatedly started to follow her.  
  
"I tried to tell Wrex, but he did not seem very interested."  
  
"Wha-what?!"  
  
"Don't worry.  Everyone is very happy for you. You have to tell Liara, though. I didn’t tell her because I think she will be less happy for you."  
  
  
******  
  
  
When Ashley walked into her cabin, Shepard was laying down on the bed, boots still on, one arm thrown over her face.  
  
Ashley sat down next to her and put her hand on Shepard's chest, feeling her heartbeat.  The commander just grunted.  
  
"Hello to you, too.  Everyone is acting weird today.  Garrus was chuckling when I went back to the loading bay, Liara looked like she might attack me when I passed her in the hall just now, and I swear one of the security marines grumbled to me about his shower cutting off."  
  
Shepard took her arm off of her face and wrapped it around Ashley's waist, "Our secret's out, Ash.  Apparently we turned off the water to the ship this afternoon. Tali has seen us before and told the whole ship.  Except Liara, she saved that one for me."  
  
Ashley laughed at the weariness on her commander's face, leaned down and gently kissed her.  
  
"Were we keeping it a secret?"  
  
Shepard looked at Ashley in confusion, "I thought you wanted to.  You kept hiding to kiss me.  I just figured..."  
  
Ashley stretched out beside Shepard, draping her leg over the other woman, "Just because I don't want to make out with you in full view of everyone on the ship doesn't mean I want to hide our relationship.  It's just... tacky to stick your tongue down someone's throat in front of other people."  
  
"Well, yeah.  So you're okay with everyone knowing?"  
  
"Maybe I haven't been clear about my feelings.  I like you.  I like you a lot, and I don't plan on giving you up any time soon.  Everyone is going to know."  
  
"That's good to hear." Shepard said as she pulled the other woman on top of her. "Because there is nothing in this world that could make me let you go."


	7. Chapter 7

When Ashley walked into the room, Shepard was sitting in front of the lockers, head in her hands.  Her body was taut, full of stress, and Ashley's heart broke for the woman.  Everything that she had done, everything that she had seen, and the Council tells her to sit still like a good little girl while the world burns around her.  They wanted her for a body guard.  What a waste.

Ashley walked towards her, slowly.  She reveled in the poise of this woman, the confidence.  Since the moment they had met, Ashley had taken strength in her strength.  Any cracks in her armor had been anger.  Had only shown her to be more forceful, more strong.  Now she looked tired.  She looked defeated.  She looked frustrated.  Ashley had wondered whether seeing her broken would make her lose interest.  Maybe she would see vulnerability and the feelings that had built between them would melt away like a thin layer of early spring ice on a lake.  Looking solid at first, but with no structure beneath.

Then she walked into this room and saw her commander broken and she had not been turned off.  She had, in fact, been buoyed by the opportunity to return the favor.  To have a chance to lift this woman up the way that she so often had done for Ashley.  Their talks had made Ashley feel confident, feel special, feel like she deserved to be on the flagship of the Alliance Navy, serving with the first human Spectre.  She had not been addicted to the power imbalance, after all.  She drank in this opportunity to level the field.

She stopped a few steps away from Shepard and waited.  Just because she was comfortable with a sense of equality in their relationship did not mean that the other woman would be.  She waited nervously for some sign that it was okay for her to be here.

Shepard sighed and lifted her head, letting it rest lightly on the locker behind her and meeting Ashley's gaze.  Ashley wasn't sure if she had expected to see tears, but there were none.  Just the exhaustion. 

"Just gonna stand there, Chief?  No pep talk?  You'll have to prepare one for when you get your own boat."

Ashley knelt down and gently moved the woman's arms off of her knees.  That made room for Ashley to kneel between the woman's legs, her hands on the commander's forearms that now rested on her own propped knees.  Is was intimate, but not lewd.  Just two people who cared very much for each other gaining comfort from closeness.

"I'm never going to get my own ship, skipper.  I'm a Williams, remember?  They wouldn't give me command of a garbage scow."

Ashley reached out and ran her thumb over Shepard's left eyebrow, feeling the dip where a scar cut through it.  Shepard closed her eyes and leaned her face into the open palm of Ashley's hand, sighing and resting her cheek in the other's hand.

"Don't sell yourself short, Ash.  There will be a lot of garbage scows coming through when the Reapers destroy all organic life.  You'll have lots of opportunities. They’ll never be able to turn you away."

The smile against Ashley's palm was magnetic.  She stroked Shepard's eyebrow again and said, "You really know how to sweet talk a girl."

"Unless that girl is on the Council, of course."

"Screw them, Kennedy.  We'll get out of here somehow and you will save the day."

Shepard was silent, tired of arguing the point, tired of fighting for the right to fight.  Just tired.  

Ashley let the silence lengthen before saying, in a quiet, sonorous voice, " _If you can keep your head when all around you, Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,_ "

As she spoke, Shepard had opened her eyes and watched Ashley speak.  The wonder and the humor and the confidence all seemed to come flooding back into them at once.  She came alive and let the poetry wash over her. Shepard had always liked to read poetry, but had never much cared for hearing it read.  It seemed wrong somehow, to silently enjoy an art form that was meant to be spoken, but it was how she liked to experience it.  Just now, hearing her favorite poem read aloud to her by this woman, and suddenly she realized how much she had missed out.  It was as though she had seen the beauty of the galaxy from a starship, but only belatedly landed on a lush, garden planet and found that the distance had shielded the true majesty of the place.

Being Shepard, however, she had to play it close to the vest, "Laying it on a little thick, aren't you Chief?  Reciting my favorite Kipling poem to me.  Did you really think that I planned on throwing in the towel?  I was just... waiting for the right moment to act."

Ashley smiled, not a bit fooled, "Whatever, Commander.  I can read you like a book."  She moved her face closer to the other woman's.  "You were so moved.  I gave you the strength to fight another day, admit it!"

Shepard leaned her face towards Ashley ever so slowly, a sly grin spreading across her lips, "I will never surrender to your threats."

Their lips were millimeters apart.  Their breath was mingling and dancing in the air between them.  Ashley's palms were sweaty.  Shepard's stomach was spinning.

"Commander!  Call coming in from Captain Anderson."

"Damnit Joker!  Were you spying on us?"

"No, Commander, just thought you'd want to know."

The ghost of a chuckle made its way through the comms, but then he was gone and so was the moment.

Ashley sighed and leaned back, " _Once more unto the breach?_ "

" _Ours not to wonder why, ours but to do and die._ "

"Mmmm... using Tennyson against me.  Well played, skipper."

"I had planned on taking you on a third date while we were grounded, but I guess Anderson comes first."

Ashley stood and reached out a hand to help Shepard to her feet, "Third?  Did I miss one?"

Shepard grabbed her hand and hauled herself to her feet.  She wrapped her arm around Ashley's waist and they started walking together, "What do you mean?  I've taken you out to dinner twice!  In fact, I think that means it's your turn to pay."

Ashley knitted her eyebrows together, and then inspiration dawned, "Wait, are you counting the taco truck on that fuel stop in... where was it?"

"In the Horse Head Nebula.... somewhere.  I don't know.  We travel too much.  And yes I am counting it!  Varren meat and chorizo.  They were awesome!  You said it was the best, weirdest taco you'd ever had!"

Ashley smacked her abdomen playfully, "Just because it was a good taco doesn't mean it counts as a date!  We were there like 10 minutes!  And Wrex was right there next to us, choking on rice!"

They walked off towards the airlock, arm in arm, ready for whatever.  And teasing each other the whole way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The works I quoted from in this chapter: "If-" by Rudyard Kipling, "Henry V" by William Shakespeare, and "The Charge of the Light Brigade" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
> 
> So "If-" by Kipling is the reference in the title of the work. I kind of have this plan to write the who story of ME1-3 and after with reference to that poem throughout. I see Paragon Shepard as going through this whole sort of test of will that is really well articulated by that poem. Go check it out- it's online everywhere! Hope you like!


	8. Chapter 8

When the door to the captain's cabin hissed open in front of Ashley, she hesitated. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves.  But Ashley was never one to take the easy path, so she stepped in.  
  
The room was dark, just the blue glow of Shepard's terminal and a hooded lamp beside the bed.  Shepard was at the terminal, typing the last few words of what looked like a long message.  She didn't look up or acknowledge Ashley's presence immediately.  She worked on her message while Ashley walked halfway into the room and leaned against the wall, giving Shepard privacy.  
  
She watched Shepard's brow furrow and release as she searched her mind.  She watched the woman's muscular forearms flex as she typed.  She let her eyes stray across the entirety of her commander's frame.  Every inch was precious to her.  Fear clamped around her gut at the thought of what was waiting for them at Ilos.  She had never had so much in her life, and she had never had so much to lose. She felt like she was standing, naked in a thunderstorm. So vulnerable to the whims of the world around her. To the forces she could not control.  
  
Shepard sent the message and closed the terminal, looking up at Ashley with a sad smile, "How long until we get to Ilos?"  
  
"Joker says we have a couple of hours."  
  
Shepard nodded, and stood heavily.  
  
Ashley tapped the toe of her boot on the metal floor of the cabin, "Time caught up with us, didn't it?  We were running all over the galaxy, living almost a carefree life.  Felt like we had all the time in the world, didn't it?"  
  
Shepard took a couple of steps forward, oceans of space still between her and the woman who had come to mean so much to her, "We had to pay the piper eventually, I suppose."  
  
Ashley took a stepped forward slowly, closing the gap between them gradually as she spoke, " _Come, my Celia, let us prove, While we can, the sports of love; Time will not be ours forever; He at length our good will sever. Spend not then his gifts in vain_.”  
  
As she finished, she reached Shepard, stretched out her hand, and stroked Shepard's left, scarred eyebrow with her thumb. She cupped Shepard's cheek with her open palm, and the other woman leaned into her touch while keeping her eyes locked on Ashley's.  
  
" _Suns that set may rise again; But if once we lose this light, ’Tis with us perpetual night. Why should we defer our joys?"_  
  
Ashley leaned in to Shepard and their lips met quietly and softly.  The kiss was passionate and intense, but without the desperation of desire.  It was not a kiss that was intended to lead to anything, but rather to communicate the depth of their feelings for each other.  
  
"Ashley... will you... will you stay with me? Here? Until we get to Ilos?"  
  
Ashley pressed her for head against Shepard, and buried both hands in the woman's short, blonde hair.  A single tear ran from her eye and she nodded, gripping the hair in her hands.

Ashley stepped back and slowly pulled uniform shirt over her head.  She dropped it on the floor, all the time maintaining eye contact with her commander.  She reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, releasing it, she dropped it on top of her shirt.  
  
Shepard pulled her own shirt over her head, and then reached down and deftly untied her boots, kicking them off.  The two women unbuckled their belts and pulled off their pants at the same time.  A moment later, they had shed the rest of their clothing and stood, naked before each other. The air seemed to hum around them. As thought the oxygen was caressing them while they stood, so determined to make the moment last that they did not want it to begin. Perhaps hoping to capture eternity in this small, cold room and never have to risk the losing again.  
  
Shepard stepped forward, and Ashley waited, letting the other woman take the lead.  Shepard wrapped her arms around Ashley's waist and pulled her into her arms.  This time the kiss that they careened into held all the desire, all the desperation of two people who were hurdling towards an uncertain future.  Their tongues battled to express their longing.  Their bodies pressed into each other, Shepard's hand pressing hard into Ashley's lower back. Shadows of her fingerprints would bruise Ashley’s skin, though she had never intended to mark her.  
  
Ashley put gentle pressure on Shepard's shoulders, guiding her back towards the bed.  She moved easily, wanting to get them both horizontal as quickly as possible.  When her calves hit the edge of the low bed, Shepard gently turned with Ashley in her arms.  She laid the chief gently, almost reverently on the mattress, and climbed on top of her.  
  
Shepard's free hand trailed up Ashley's body and she moved up.  Her fingertips trailing lightly over Ashley's hip, past her firm stomach, to her side.  She hit a ticklish spot and felt Ashley's body tense and squeeze her arm.  As Shepard renewed their interrupted kiss, her fingertips found their way to the side of Ashley's breast, and they stopped moving up in favor of a sideways detour.  They teased slowly towards her hard nipple.  When they found their mark, she swallowed Ashley's gasp of pleasure.  She brushed lightly over the taut bud before pinching and being rewarded with a moan.  
  
Ashley reached her leg up and wrapped it around Shepard's hip, opening her need to Shepard's leg.  The heat and wetness that she felt there caused an immediate and identical response in Shepard.  She moved away from Ashley's mouth, kissing down her neck and kneading the breast still captured in her hand.  Ashley bucked into Shepard's leg, whispering the woman's name into her ear before softly biting her earlobe.  
  
Shepard released Ashley's breast and moved her hand back down Ashley's body.  Her hand slipped down, beneath her own leg and into the hair between Ashley's thighs.  
  
"Yes... Oh, Kennedy, yes..."  
  
Shepard's fingers moved down Ashley's slit with firm pressure. She dipped into Ashley, barely letting in a knuckle, eliciting another groan before bringing that slickness back up to her clit.  She rubbed circles into her swollen clit.  Ashley bit into Shepard's shoulder, grinding into her lover's touch.  She sped her rhythm until Ashley was panting into her ear.  
  
"Kennedy... Oh, Kennedy!  I need you inside me, baby.  Please!"  
  
Shepard needed no other direction, plunging two fingers deep into her girlfriend and pumping in and out fast and hard.  Ashley growled with pleasure and rode Shepard's hand.  Shepard curled her fingers forward and pressed her palm down on Ashley's clit.  She felt the other woman's body tense and her teeth clench.  She kept her rhythm for another moment, and then Ashley was screaming, her body arching up into Shepard's.  
  
Kennedy held her as she shook through a wave of pleasure, placing light kisses on Ashley's neck and jaw. Sweat beaded on both of their bodies as Ashley lay panting underneath her.  
  
After a quiet moment, Ashley opened her eyes and stared into the deep green orbs above her.  Shepard's eyes were full of love.  Ashley thought how easy it would be to lay here and get lost in those eyes.  She reached up again to cup Shepard's face and rub her thumb over her favorite eyebrow.  Shepard smiled at the touch, and Ashley wrapped her arm around Shepard's waist, flipping their positions.  
  
With her commander on her back, Ashley raised herself onto her knees, straddling the woman's pelvis.  She smiled mischievously and pressed her hands into Shepard's lower abdomen.  She bent over, laying kisses on the other woman's chest.  At the same time she ground her own wet, spent sex into Shepard's.  Kennedy pressed her head back and gasped as Ashley's wetness spread onto her throbbing clit.  Ashley's tongue found her nipple and the gasp turned into a groan.  
  
She didn't spend much time on the woman's nipple, eager to share the pleasure she had just experienced.  She shimmied her hips down and moved her mouth down quickly to envelop Shepard's clit.  Shepard's body arched up, wanting more pressure, but not wanting to push too hard into her lover's face.  Ashley pressed her hands down onto Shepard's hips, holding her in place as she dipped her tongue deep into her slit.  She quickly moved back up to Shepard's clit, and pressed two fingers in after her tongue moved away from her center.  
  
"Oh god, Ashley! Oh Ash!"  
  
Ashley's fingers and tongue moved quickly and confidently, bringing the other woman hard and fast to the edge.  Shepard panted as Ashley's fingers moved in and out of her, stroking as her tongue caressed.  Seconds were stretched into lifetimes as the pleasure built and then finally crashed over.  Ashley's rhythm slowed but did not stop as Shepard's cries faded, and immediately began again.  Ashley had coaxed a second orgasm from her even as the first was finishing.  
  
Spent and exhausted both, the two women lay in each others arms.  
  
"So," Ashley panted, her hand on Shepard's chest, feeling the strong heartbeat beneath her fingers.  "All it takes to get you out of those pants is our impending death?"  
  
Shepard laughed, thinking back to their previous lovemaking.  She hadn't actually gotten around to shedding her pants either time.  
  
"Apparently!  Although," she turned her head to look into the other woman's eyes.  "I have no intention of dying on Ilos.  I have too much to come back to."  
  
Ashley gave a weak grin and stretched her neck, lightly kissing Shepard.  
  
"I love you, Ashley Williams."  
  
Ashley's breath caught in her throat, and there were tears in her eyes again.  
  
"I love you too, Kennedy Shepard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem quoted in this chapter is "Song: to Celia" By Ben Jonson


	9. Epilogue

Ashley stood, leaning against the bulkhead and staring at the stars flashing by.  The blue glow of the FTL drive shimmered around the hull, intermittently obscuring the view.  This was what she had always dreamed about as a child, gliding through space on an Alliance warship.  She had dreamt of distant, fantastic worlds.  Of rushing in and saving a horde of helpless aliens.  Of medals and glory and honor.  She had read Ulysses for her dad, for sure.  But she had also read it for herself.  
  
"It's everything I ever dreamed it would be."  
  
The door hissed open, Shepard walking in to her cabin, scowling over a datapad.  
  
Ashley couldn't help but sigh, "And so much more."  
  
Shepard looked up, "Hmm?"  
  
Ashley held out her hand and Shepard immediately dropped the datapad to the ground and crossed the room to take it.  Ashley laughed as a small cracking sound came from the display as it hit the ground.  The laugh was full and unguarded and it made Shepard's heart thrum.  She grabbed Ashley's hand, and allowed herself to be drawn in for a kiss.  
  
When they broke, Ashley laid a hand on Shepard's chest as the woman spoke, "What brought this on?"  
  
Ashley gestured toward the window, "The cosmos." She turned back to the view and Shepard wrapped her arms around the chief's waist, pressing her body into the woman's back.  "The reminder of the beautiful gift God has given us."  
  
Shepard wasn't sure she believed, but Ashley did, and what was important to Ashley was important to her.  She rested her chin on the other woman's shoulder and watched the view flicker past for a while, wrapped in a warm and comfortable silence.  
  
"You are the only woman I have ever met that would leave the shutters in this room closed for months when you could have enjoyed this view."  
  
"Well..." Shepard released one arm and rubbed the back of her own neck sheepishly.  "If I'm being honest... Well, I didn't know they were there.  Anderson never mentioned it.  Not until he did an inspection for the Council after the whole Saren thing."  
  
Shepard had taken to calling their near-death battle with a demented Turian agent that destroyed half the Citadel, leading to her saving all sapient life in the galaxy 'that whole Saren thing'.  Ashley wasn't sure if it was a coping mechanism or true nonchalance.  Either way, it was almost as sexy as it was infuriating.  
  
"He got a kick out of telling me that I had missed out on the best view the galaxy has to offer because I didn't read all 2,374 pages of the Normandy's user manual.  Councilor Anderson has a much better sense of humor than Captain Anderson did."  
  
Ashley could feel the smile against her cheek, and couldn't stop herself from turning to kiss it.  One kiss led to another, and soon she was pressed up against the glass of that window.  Shepard's lips and hands were starting to wander, but Ashley was due to start her shift down in the hold in twenty minutes.  She let Shepard get herself worked up just a tiny bit more before pushing the hands away from her.  
  
Shepard whined and tried to reach back, but Ashley swatted her hand away.  She stuck out her bottom lip in a mock pout, and Ashley rewarded her by gently kissing it.  
  
"You'll have to wait, Commander.  Those rifles aren't going to clean themselves, remember."  
  
"Hmmm... I'm going to have the Council devote some resources to that research project immediately."  
  
Ashley slipped past her and started to pull her long, dark hair up into the bun she wore when on duty. Shepard picked up the broken datapad, chucked it at a waste bin and flopped into a chair.  She loved to watch Ashley put her hair up.  Almost as much as she liked to watch her take it down.  
  
"So, Ash, we are headed back to the Citadel soon." Shepard knew that the forced casualness of her tone was obvious, but this woman never ceased to make her nervous.  "What do you say to going on a date with me?  There is a display of books of poetry from every Council race at the Archives in the Kithoi Ward."  
  
Ashley's eyes lit up at the prospect of a date with Shepard, especially one involving poetry.  
  
The joy in those eyes emboldened Shepard. She put her feet up on her table, stretched her hands behind her head, and leaned back in her chair.  The picture of a stud at ease.  
  
"And I may have been able to flex my 'hero of the Citadel' muscles and get us an exclusive showing of a signed, Waterhouse edition of _Lady of Shalott_."  
  
Ashley gasped and stared, mouth open, eyes full of wonder, "You didn't?!"  
  
Shepard's grin was wolfish, "I did."  
  
Ashley was on her in a moment, kissing and exclaiming her love and nearly knocking her commander to the ground.  A chime sounded on Ashley's watch and she let out a string of very unladylike words.  
  
"Sorry, babe, duty calls.  But you are in for a lot..." Ashley kissed her, deep but quick. "Of trouble tonight."  
  
She winked and then turned and sprinted to the door, insistent that she make it to her post on time. Shepard watched in awe as she left.  The woman was perfect.  She had grace and strength and the same flash bang temper that Shepard had.  One day she'd warm to aliens beyond just the ones they had served with.  But Shepard could wait on ironing out that little imperfection. She was rough around the edges.  And those were exactly the kind of edges Shepard liked.  
  
*****  
  
"Joker, you have a minute?"  
  
"Sure thing, commander.  What can I do for you?"  
  
Shepard shifted on her feet, still not convinced this was the right move, but she didn't have a lot of options.  She barreled ahead, as she always did, taking a small square box out of her pocket.  It looked nearly identical to the shipping crates that were strewn all over the galaxy and provided excellent cover in a fight, only this one fit in the palm of her hand.  
  
"I need you to secure a package for me.  Hold it.  For a couple of days.  And don't tell anyone about it.  Not anyone! Got me, mister?"  
  
She held out her hand, the box balancing on her perfectly still palm.  Joker looked at it, perplexed.  
  
"Uh... You got like a tiny varren in there or something?"  
  
"Or something." She shook her hand at him, nervous to have the package in full view for so long.  "Look, can you do this for me?  I need to... I need to hide it from Ashley until we get back to the Citadel, and she... Well, she spends a lot of time in my cabin, and I don't want her to find it."  
  
Joker raised an eyebrow, "Is that because it will explode when opened, cause I don't want any of that action either, ma'am."  
  
"Yes.  It will explode if you open it.  It will also explode if you talk about it, so just take it quick and shut up about it, okay?"  
  
Joker shrugged and grabbed it from her hand.  While he struggled to shove it into his pocket, Shepard looked around and rubbed her sweating palms together.  
  
"So, why me?  I mean, I'm like the least trustworthy guy here, commander."  
  
"You're also the only one who would truly believe me when I say," She suddenly leaned in, close to his face and growled. "If anything goes wrong with this, I will snap both of you femurs and use them as toothpicks."  
  
She smiled as she heard him swallow.  She straightened and turned to walk away.  
  
"Hey, scary lady!  If you run in to Commander Shepard out there in this ship, let her know we will be in orbit of Alchera in about an hour.  No Geth on the scanners yet. Pressley thinks it may be a wild goose chase."  
  
Shepard turned to see Joker smile and nod, patting the pocket where he had stowed the box.  She nodded back, and winked, disappearing into the depths of the Normandy.


End file.
